Matchmaker Devora Alouf
These days there is a plethora of Jewish single men and women who are having difficulties finding their Bashert–soulmate. The overwhelming majority of these individuals are decent looking, intelligent and quite capable. The complexities of our generation make the task of connecting with one’s soulmate a frustrating and sometimes painful task.

Being a matchmaker since 1989 for the Jewish community, offering my services in person and online and building Jewish homes, I have identified some of the attitudes and behaviors that seem to be keys to get through the hurdles and obstacles.

“Love your neighbor as yourself” is a positive commandment that indicates that love can’t be an emotion, for one cannot command someone to feel love. Therefore love is an attainable, clearly defined goal, for which one must strive. You must first define your basic needs, dreams and hopes, listen to your soul, start loving yourself, so you are better qualified to love another person.

“I am capable of loving and worthy of being loved.” If you have trouble looking in the mirror of your soul and saying this statement in sincerity, you might find it nearly impossible to establish and maintain a loving, emotionally intimate and honest relationship. That is because you might always look to others to affirm even your basic worth and will be over-sensitive to any nuance of their non-affirmation. Moreover, without healthy self-esteem, it may be difficult to get out of a hurtful relationship.

When our Holy Torah teaches us “Love your neighbor as yourself,” it is telling us that loving others is dependent upon loving ourselves.

Remember that you are a lofty JEWISH NESHAMA, deserving of abundant love in life. Do whatever it takes now to begin the process of seeing yourself as a worthy person.

Healthy self-image and self worth (not to be confused with arrogance or self centeredness) are the foundation stones of healthy relationships.

“Love is never outside ourselves, love is within us. Don’t insist that love comes immediately; perhaps you are not ready for it. Don’t settle for anybody, just to have someone. Set your standards. What kind of love do you want to attract?

List the qualities you want in a relationship. Develop those qualities in yourself and you will attract the person who has them”

— Louise L. Hay