How to Best Use Online Dating
Matchmaker Devora Alouf
Visit the site often- new people join in daily, and the site is dynamic and exciting. Remember: you gotta be in it to win it!

Love is a numbers game- increase your odds by corresponding with a number of people.

Send lots of messages. The more you send, the more you will receive. The more action, the greater the reaction. You will be able to afford to be selective!!!

Give people time to get the nerve up to respond to you. It may take them some time. Be patient and courteous, then write again.

Respond to any interesting message- you never know, it could just be THE ONE.

Wait with the “vital statistics”- correspond with members using the safety features of the site. Your e-mail and phone numbers can wait till you are better acquainted.

Never judge a book by its cover- unless you are willing to submit to the same test yourself.

Throw away those lists. You are complex: a dynamic, changing, growing, and evolving person, with emotional, intellectual, and social contradictions. Why should your partner be a laundry list of perfections?

Do what your mother taught you: always treat other people the way you want to be treated.

When receiving a message in response to your ad, always remember to be cool and polite. Say thanks even if you think the person is not for you.

Just because someone is not right for you, doesn’t mean they don’t have feelings. No one enjoys rejection. Be gracious and kind, be tactful and sensitive at all times. Call back or write back in a few days, even if only to say “I don’t think we are right for each other, but I think you’re really special and I wish you the very best”. Whatever your style- at all times be a ‘Mentch’. It makes for a gentler, kinder singles’ community… Besides, the person who is not right for you, may just introduce you to the person who is most right for you!

Go back for a second look at your “maybe” list- members update their photos and add new information all the time. Something new may catch your eye and your heart.

Look away- don’t be afraid to explore opportunities outside your geographic area. Many people out there are willing to relocate for the right person.

Open your mind and expand it, to welcome birds of a different feather. All you really need is THE ONE, and it could be a different one…

Be flexible. Mutual respect and admiration have away of bridging the gap, even when the gaps are seemingly insurmountable. Don’t discount a person because he/she doesn’t have the “right” education, or lives in the “wrong” city. Stop judging and stop looking for a “turn key” package to fall in your lap. Allow the other person to be at least as imperfect and dynamic as you are. Sometimes all it takes is to have a person believe in you, encourage you, and nurture you to be the best that you can be. Let them try in earnest.

Use the Advanced Search option to seek out people who share your interest. You could break the ice by discovering mutual interests, and it’s so much more fun that way.

Gone from blondes to brunettes? Update your profile!
Discovered bowling can be fun? Update your profile!
Fell out of step in your square dancing? Update your profile!
Let them know what you are looking for- so they may find you in the crowd.
Post created: Mar 03, 2011 | Updated
The Road to Success
Matchmaker Devora Alouf
Make room in your life for another- caught up in work and kids and commitments? How will you fit a new person in? Think before you jump in! And open the door to let them in!

Each date you go on is an opportunity for growth and learning. It is better to have tried and learned from the experience, than not to have tried at all. If you have loved and lost- pat yourself on the back for having loved at all, for having had the courage to try. Then pick up the pieces and try again. For having once loved, you have learned to be a better person, you have honed your skills, and you are ready for more.

Look your best- just like going for an interview. Dress your best, polish your shoes, floss and powder your nose, THEN go out on a date. It shows respect for the other person, and it shows you at your best.

Give your date a chance- give her/him your all, your attention and your care. If you date more than one person- your heart cannot be in it, for it is distant and detached. Give her/him a best possible run, and enjoy the ride for its lessons and its rewards.

Note the virtues of your partner. Don’t look for virtues- FIND them, and demonstrate your feelings clearly and openly. Appreciation is a good habit to get into.

Stop waiting for Prince Charming to sweep you off your feet. Focus on the man before you right now, as you would want him to focus on you.

Stop looking over her shoulder. You might think, as you sit with the woman before you, that just around the corner might be another woman more attractive, more intelligent, more refined. That may be true. But if you keep thinking that way, no woman will ever be good enough.

Count your partner’s virtues- it is good practice in preparing to enjoy increased blessings tomorrow in the company of a loved one.

Be humble and forgive- your imperfections and your date’s.

Get deep- it is easy to be an over materialistic, over physical, disposable, instant gratification type of person. It takes time and effort to allow a person to gradually show you how amazing they are. Chemistry and magic happen gradually. Let them blossom at their own pace.

Emotional intimacy comes from giving and from revelation. Go past the small-talk and open a window to your soul, and watch the bonds begin to strengthen. Be real, be you, be there, and your partner will be encouraged to share and to give as well.

Laugh. Smile. Lighten up, and stop analyzing so much! Love is not a cerebral exercise in conductivity- enjoy the moment and the company of your partner, the here and the now, and the future may just happen for you both. Enjoy each date, each human being you are honored and privileged to spend time with.

Be flexible. Mutual respect and admiration have away of bridging the gap, even when the gaps are seemingly insurmountable. Don’t discount a person because he/she doesn’t have the “right” education, or lives in the “wrong” city. Stop judging and stop looking for a “turn key” package to fall in your lap. Allow the other person to be at least as imperfect and dynamic as you are. Sometimes all it takes is to have a person believe in you, encourage you, and nurture you to be the best that you can be. Let them try in earnest.

Go to the type of events and places where you are likely to meet people of the “right” sort for you.

Learn your Red Lines and be clear about them. Learn to avoid the obvious “no go” situations and relationships. Learn to ask the right questions and find out if the person is even in the “ball park” for you. What are the values you share? Does the person have a history of dead end relationships? What are this person’s goals in dating? Has this person recently broken up from a serious relationship? Learn to spot the Red Flags- and spot the person who is ready, right, and available for you.

Give them a second chance- dated someone way back when? Wonder have they grown since then? Maybe former concerns are now moot. Spot the changes, slight though they may be. Who said you’ve always had 20/20 eye sight?…

Don’t panic at the first sign of trouble. Conflicts are natural and healthy- you are two distinct individuals with different experiences and perspectives, bringing different strengths and weaknesses. Friction is inevitable, but adjustments are not. Work on discovering the way to work through the differences, and you will have learned a life lesson. Handle with care and sensitivity- and clear the air for deeper understanding. Be supportive and compromising, be sensitive and patient, and work through the rough times so you will be there to enjoy the good times together. Make each conflict an opportunity for growth.

Communication, communication, communication. This is the entire book of love!

Life is a journey, a process, and love is a beginning. Together your partner and you will be complete, apart you are each an incomplete and evolving “list”. The idea is to grow together.

Move from a place of GETTING love, to a place of GIVING love- then step back and watch what happens…

Your friends have your best interests at heart- let them fix you up on dates, even if the “hit and miss” experience has you gasping for air. At least your friends are trying. We are all human, and all anyone can do is try. So spread the word that you are looking, and don’t give up till you meet the one and only, till you “hit and win”!

Seek help- if you know you have a problem, from commitment phobia to drinking, from fear of intimacy to being a workaholic- seek help now. Do what it takes to get yourself into the best shape for a healthy self and a healthy relationship.
Post created: Mar 03, 2011 | Updated
Matchmaker, Matchmaker…
Matchmaker Devora Alouf
I am a twenty-first century Jewish cyberspace matchmaker believing in the importance of the personal touch. On our site you will find a huge reservoir of available men and women who are using the internet to find their soulmate. How do you make the transition from virtual reality to flesh and blood reality, how do you go from mouse to spouse?

Today’s new technology enables you to be in touch with anyone, anytime, anywhere. It is an open path to an easy and convenient way to finding your soulmate. I believe in putting back the human touch into our cyberspace community. Check out our Matchmaking Service for direction and take the extra step today towards finding your other-half.

Matchmaker, matchmaker, here take the mouse
Get me a match, find me a spouse.
Matchmaker, matchmaker, please surf the net
You will find me a match you bet.

As winter approaches and covers the land
The sun is so rare, out of sight.
You may wish to browse,
For a friend or a spouse
On the best Jewish Matchmaking site.

When it’s freezing and lonely and so very dark
And the days ain’t at all very bright
If you are warm in your house
But you are cold with no spouse,
Check our wonderful Jewish Dating site.

Our listings are great, and the pictures are fun
And your heart will most surely delight.
As you click with your mouse,
To discover your spouse,
Welcome friend to our Jewish site!

Post created: Mar 03, 2011 | Updated
Humanity and Warmth in the Wires
Matchmaker Devora Alouf
“The best and most beautiful things in the world cannot be seen or even touched. They must be felt with the heart.”
— Helen Keller

Our sages say that to find a mate is as difficult as the splitting of the Red Sea. For a person with a disability it can feel like mission-impossible. Each soul has another soul created by Hashem waiting for them to connect to each other.

“Everyone deserves love and the right to be happy.”

Disabled men and woman are considered to be on a very high spiritual level. A great sage “The Chazon Ish” would stand up in reverence for these challenged persons when they would enter a room. He recognized that these men and women with challenges must be on the highest level since they obviously needed so much less, in order to actualize their potential.

Our mission to facilitate connections among Jewish singles with disabilities is based on our commitment to the Jewish tradition of “Tzedakah”.

Jewish Singles With Special Needs (www.jswsn.org) makes a positive difference in the lives of Jewish singles that face many challenges. Our non-profit organization offers this service to the Jewish community completely free of charge.

As a result of our efforts Jewish singles with special needs are no longer alone. We help them to connect to each other, find their soul mate and build Jewish homes.

We need strength and courage to understand the infinite value of one lone Jew.

“No Jew is too small,
No effort too big,
No result insignificant.”

— The Rebbe
Post created: Mar 03, 2011 | Updated
Attracting Love
Matchmaker Devora Alouf
These days there is a plethora of Jewish single men and women who are having difficulties finding their Bashert–soulmate. The overwhelming majority of these individuals are decent looking, intelligent and quite capable. The complexities of our generation make the task of connecting with one’s soulmate a frustrating and sometimes painful task.

Being a matchmaker since 1989 for the Jewish community, offering my services in person and online and building Jewish homes, I have identified some of the attitudes and behaviors that seem to be keys to get through the hurdles and obstacles.

“Love your neighbor as yourself” is a positive commandment that indicates that love can’t be an emotion, for one cannot command someone to feel love. Therefore love is an attainable, clearly defined goal, for which one must strive. You must first define your basic needs, dreams and hopes, listen to your soul, start loving yourself, so you are better qualified to love another person.

“I am capable of loving and worthy of being loved.” If you have trouble looking in the mirror of your soul and saying this statement in sincerity, you might find it nearly impossible to establish and maintain a loving, emotionally intimate and honest relationship. That is because you might always look to others to affirm even your basic worth and will be over-sensitive to any nuance of their non-affirmation. Moreover, without healthy self-esteem, it may be difficult to get out of a hurtful relationship.

When our Holy Torah teaches us “Love your neighbor as yourself,” it is telling us that loving others is dependent upon loving ourselves.

Remember that you are a lofty JEWISH NESHAMA, deserving of abundant love in life. Do whatever it takes now to begin the process of seeing yourself as a worthy person.

Healthy self-image and self worth (not to be confused with arrogance or self centeredness) are the foundation stones of healthy relationships.

“Love is never outside ourselves, love is within us. Don’t insist that love comes immediately; perhaps you are not ready for it. Don’t settle for anybody, just to have someone. Set your standards. What kind of love do you want to attract?

List the qualities you want in a relationship. Develop those qualities in yourself and you will attract the person who has them”


— Louise L. Hay
Post created: Mar 03, 2011 | Updated

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